Winter to Spring

It seems like it’s been a long winter. At other times it feels more like it’s gone by so fast. Spring is nearly here. Yesterday the grass was looking green and today there is fresh snow on the ground. It’s a time of seasonal transition.

It's a time of transition for me, too. I've been talking with my oncologist about how long I'll still be receiving immunotherapy treatments. "You're charting new territory," he says, and there is no definite protocol as to how long treatments are to continue. I've been fortunate in that I've avoided serious negative side effects. And several recent scans show "no evidence of disease." That's really good news.

I have a PET scan coming up in April. The PET gives a more detailed visual than a CT scan. After that, and another urology exam, the doctor may want to discontinue treatment. By then I'll have been on immunotherapy for about 2 years, and 2 years is the"standard of care" at this time for immunutherapy.

You'd think I'd be onverjoyed about this. However, I feel somewhat reluctant about discontinuing treatment. The infusions have been like a lifeline for me and I'm not sure I want to let go. Going to the med center every two weeks has been a positive experience. The staff is amazing and I feel so well cared for. By now they know me, and they welcome me with a warm blanket, a cup of coffee, and even my favorite chocolate chip cookies. They are so efficient in what they do. They are upbeat and positive and caring. I tell them that I always feel better when I leave than when I come because of the good care I receive.

Now, however, I am looking ahead and beginning to anticipate what is to come. I know what it is like to be a patient diagnosed and treated for cancer. I've accepted this as part of my life's journey. A new phase of this journey is about to occur. I will not be a patient being treated every two weeks, but one who is being monitored every three months for recurrence. Yes, I've been here before after the first diagnosis of cancer. This time feels different. I got through this in a good way, trying to put into action "going through the Bitter Valley and making it a place of springs." Now the time is coming to leave the Bitter Valley behind. This is the time to embrace health and a healthful life - no longer a patient as previously.

How this makes my life any different, I really don't know. But in my mind and in my heart, there is some kind of transition taking place. I am newly hopeful for the best is yet to come.