DENIAL

“When in denial, you are anchored, and not able to make the changes to move forward.”

Geo, Mom , and I heard a talk by a man who is totally blind. He once was fully sighted, married and working at a successful career. Then retinopathy set in. He lost everything dear to him – his marriage, his home, his job, even his visually intensive hobbies. One thing he held onto was the expectation that his sight would return, or improve, or – in the least – not get any worse.

He was trained to use the red and white cane for the blind, but kept it in his pocket for two years. To use it would be to admit that he really needed it. So he bumped into obstacles and tripped over curbs. By denying the obvious, serious anxiety and depression set in.

Each morning he would orient himself by a light he left burning overnight in the kitchen. He would make his way from the bedroom and move toward the light. One morning, the light was not on, or so he thought. He found his way into the kitchen and reached up to the light bulb. It was hot. He was totally blind.

He had never thought of himself as “a blind person.” To move from the denial stage, his brain needed to reorient him to a new self-image. Only then could he accept blindness as a secondary circumstance of his life.

Not many of us are totally blind, but we do experience the anxieties and frustrations that come with the denial of difficult circumstances beyond our control. In a negative situation, we “hope” that things will get better, we “wish” that things will improve. We say something like, "If only ____________,
then I’d be successful, then I’d be happy and life for me would be good." Or we may tell ourselves that maybe the situation really isn’t so bad, and if I ignore it, it will just go away. We struggle. In any case, we’re in denial.

How did this person with blindness move beyond denial toward acceptance?

1) He made an effort to establish a social network, so he would not be isolated. He continually works at this.

2) He looked for any glimmer of “good” in his situation. Although he realistically admitted the “bad,” He kept expanding on any positive aspects until the positive was in greater proportion to the negative.

3) He developed a sense of humor.

4) He reached out for adventure. He tried new ways of adaptive living. He began enjoying more non-vision type activities in his current situation.

Interestingly enough, the more he came to embrace his loss of vision, he began to sense and appreciate in new ways the reality of what he lost. This is an outcome of an adaptive life-style.

By using an adaptive lifestyle we can create new successful ways of activity and experience. We continually expand our horizons and grow as persons, sharing positively with others.

For the speaker, he discovered for himself that the best part of his blindness is what it does for the sighted people he encounters. His answer, then, to “Why me?” is the good effect his circumstance has on others. In all humility, he admitted that blind people who have accepted and adapted can truly inspire others to live more fully.

So I could not help but think of the situations in my life where I am “in denial,” frustrated and anxious. Yes, there are those times…
Where can I admit what’s not working, expand on the possibilities in the situation, and ADAPT. What would be the results?

This talk gave me lots to think about, and Yes, I was truly inspired by this remarkable man who now has a new family and a new career. His success and achievements emerged from a bleak situation, but only when he moved beyond denial.

Retirement

This is Day 2 of Happy Retirement.
My laptop, two phones, and a lot of other stuff I needed to return has already been received in Boston. Everything accounted for. That’s a relief.
I wasn’t sure what retirement would feel like. Now I would say it feels a little like sending another kid off to college…I’ve lost some contact, the house seems empty (with laptop and a lot of office stuff gone), the phone’s not ringing nearly as often, and FREEDOM!
I think I’m going to like retirement!